20 Sentences I Never Thought I’d Say Before Becoming a Mother

1) “You do not color on dogs or your sister. ONLY ON PAPER.”

2) “Don’t poop the tub.”

3) “Just wipe the booger on my pants.”

4) “Yes, that [insert clothing accessory here] does make you look like a princess.”

5) “Do not put your toes in your mouth.”

6) “Do not put your sister’s toes in your mouth.”

7) “For the love of God, please don’t put the dog’s toes in your mouth.”

8) “Yes, your toot does smell like raspberries.” (Seriously).

9) “Can you take your helmet off at bedtime please?”

10) “No, animals crackers are not actually made from animals. But bacon, hot dogs and hamburgers are. I know, I want a burger now, too.”

11) “Nope, your nose will not come off. Nope, I cannot remove it. I understand you want it off, but there is really nothing I can do for you.”

12) “Did you poop in your bedroom?”

13) “No, Elsa [on underwear] cannot smell it when you toot.”

14) “No, she’s not in karate anymore because after learning how to make a fist, she punched the neighbor in the face.”

15) “Can you stop playing with yourself and put on some clothes?”

16) “We do not stick our fingers in other people’s noses. Ever.”

17) “I feel like I should be drawing a line here with this whole Ketchup thing– you really shouldn’t be putting it on your salad.”

18) “Yes, if you give me just five more minutes I will I will bake a burrito-cake with you in the tee-pee.”

19) “That is not a button; that’s a butt hole. And we do not press not it. Not on the dog or on anyone else.”

20) “You cannot wear your helmet to the store. Because…then everyone else will want to wear one, too.”

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