10 Best Responses to Announcing My Third Pregnancy

So you’re pregnant with your third child. Congrats! Everyone must be so excited for you? Oh, wait, no. Your friends are sick of you popping out babies like a drunk rabbit, and random strangers immediately feel entitled to comment on your love life in the grocery store.

Your third child has officially pushed you into the category of what an excited, vivacious pundit on Reddit called me– a “breeder”. Don’t worry friend, you’re not alone. I, too, am a breeder. And here are the top ten best/worst things that people said to me after I told them I was pregnant with our third child:

10. “Oh. Another one?”

Yes. Another one. You may have lost count as to how many children we have but for us, it’s pretty obvious. And while it may look like a drunk three-ring circus act, we are really happy about the craziness.

9. “Was this on purpose?”

Whether it was on purpose or not, this is not a question you should be asking a pregnant woman. No one would have asked this during the first pregnancy, I didn’t hear it once during the second, but apparently, a third child means you’ve forgotten how to use a condom. (Ohhhh so you put it on BEFORE you have sex!?) Because people wouldn’t actually try a third time, right?

8. Silence.

Silence is in fact golden. Though I may have sensed your confusion, I appreciated the fact that you are quietly mulling all of your rude responses in your head. I did admire that you gave yourself a moment to come up with something positive. Good for you.

7. “So you’re for sure pregnant?”

Yes. I am not just guessing. It might sound weird, but I like to be positive before I go around telling people that I am expecting a child. Otherwise it gets a little bit awkward.

6. “Wow.”

I know, right? I am super impressive. I’m like an easy bake oven– just cookin’ up babies up over here! You should be awe-struck by the fact that this little body pumps out babies like a Slurpee machine at Seven Eleven during the summertime rush.

5. “Last time I talked to you, you thought you were just going to have two. So…?”

So I may have changed my mind. I know–it’s weird. When we had this conversation two years ago I was pretty stuck on having two. But believe it or not, discussion of the future of our family is a conversation that is constantly flowing in our house. And sometimes the flow switches directions.

4. “Congrats?”

Yes. Congrats to me! Try to not say it like a question next time. While it may seem super crazy and a little self-sabotaging, congrats are in order. We are not trying to populate the world with our own brand of cray-cray, we thought about our decision long and hard, and this will not eventually be “19 Kids and Counting”. Math has never been our strong suit…so three is as high as we’re going.

3. “Shut. Up.”

This awesome message came in the form of a text. I laughed hysterically because my lovely friend who sent it was just voicing the surprise/concern that many of our fellow friends who are parents are feeling. I get it…I really do. And instead of an insincere “Congrats!”, your response was perfect. I would have probably said the exact same thing to you.

2. Hysterical laughing. “Down, husband. Down!”

This is one of my favorites. I love that the third pregnancy insinuates that you are having a lot of sex. I am not offended at all by this—that is not a bad thing. It also helps that this sentiment was expressed by a lovely, polite, seventy-something-year-old woman, in the line at the grocery store. There was a fair amount of gesturing while she said this– batting down that dog of a husband off of her leg with a newspaper.

1. “I’m not sure if I should tell you congratulations or ask what the hell were you thinking?”

One of the first people I told, one of my closest friends who has two young kids, holds my all-time favorite reaction. First of all, she merely stated what most people seem to be thinking. Second, having a three-year-old and a baby she knows exactly how hard young children are and was realistically assessing the situation. Third, only true friends will offer their best wishes while in the same sentence check-in with you to make sure you haven’t lost your goddamn mind.

Has anyone else experienced this? Am I the only one who has encountered this sort of reaction?! Please tell me no.