10 Weeks

It feels like I’ve had the flu for decades. I have successfully become an excellent navigator–I know the quickest routes around the fish area of the grocery store and the most private place to throw-up in parking lots. I have had almost no meat in a month; the smell of it raw and cooked makes my stomache turn. They say it all gets better in the second trimester– that’s only:

Hours – 336 Hours

Minutes – 20,160 Minutes

Seconds – 1,209,600 Seconds

Perhaps I shouldn’t have googled that particular fact.

I had another doctor’s appointment yesterday where they took a blood and urine sample. As I stated before, I have never had the pleasure of getting blood drawn before. I warned the little man in the white coat that I was petrified of needles, but I think that scared him more then it helped me. The whole process took about five minutes and every 30 seconds or so, he’d pensively ask, “Ma’am, are you still OK?”. Apparently I wasn’t looking so good.

They took six vials of my blood- that’s right- SIX. I’m not entirely sure what it was all for…I think they may be trying to clone me without my knowledge. Either way, the experience was not as horrible as I’d thought. I just kept thinking, “This baby better be DAMN cute.”

I then had to take my plastic cup into the restroom and give a urine sample. Having been to Planned Parenthood every year for my Pap, this was not a foreign concept. I confidently peed in my cup and didn’t notice the printed directions on the wall until after I was on empty. Apparently, my new doctor has step-by-step rules, including exactly how to pre-sanitize your urethra and also how to spread your labia correctly. Furthermore, you are supposed to remove the cup midstream, as to not empty the end contents of your bladder into the cup. Oops. The only step I followed correctly was screwing and unscrewing the lid.