34 weeks pregnant

I am 34 weeks pregnant this week and I am the first to admit that I make for a terrible pregnant woman. I don’t glow, I heave. I have acne. I’m always hungry. I whine a lot…speaking of which I really want wine. All of the time. And a lot of it.

This is my third pregnancy, so to be fair I’ve had my share of swollen feet, morning sickness, pulled groin muscles, infections, stretch marks, dry skin, and the overall feeling of being a land-whale. I have been counting down the days until labor. That’s right—I am actually looking forward to pushing the equivalent of a lemon out of one of my nostrils.

But it just hit me as I was sitting here feeling the baby move—this is it. This is the last time I will be pregnant.

Now I’m not losing all perspectives here. Pregnancy blows. Hard. But this is the most protection I can ever offer my baby. She/he isn’t roaming around the world jumping off of furniture and going to school by themself. Instead, she/he is tucked inside where I can literally shield them through colds, bullies, war, poverty and the like. This is the beginning of the most intimate connection you can ever have with someone—and it is my last.

I promise to try to enjoy the next seven weeks. To keep in mind that as I brush my fingers over the ripples of ripped skin that has become my belly, that I have sacrificed it for something worthwhile. When I try to remember what my vagina and my feet look like, maybe instead I’ll focus on thinking about what my newborn baby will look like (awkward connection…but I’ll take it). As I huff and puff waddling down the hallway, I can picture how my new baby will eventually learn to walk in almost in the same manner, on these same tile floors.

There is something so final about saying goodbye to pregnancy this time. I can’t say that I will yearn for it regularly but I have a feeling there will be moments where I will want to go back to the innate simplicity of cradling a big ol’ belly in my hands.

I will miss seeing The Hubs face light up when he puts his hand to my stomach and feels a kick in response. These moments, like most meaningful in life, are fleeting.