Why 90’s Boy Bands Are Better

This a super researched, very scientific and greatly thought-out piece about why my 90’s boy bands are better then today’s.

In my era we had the Backstreet Boys, N’Sync and 98 Degrees. I’m gonna go ahead and leave 98 Degrees out of the equation due to my deep rooted “meh” feelings about them. I have a friend who would (and I’m sure will) argue that New Kids on the Block should be included in this list…but I was too young for them (sorry, Balicia).

Now, I’m more a BSB fan myself, but I have to give N’Sync credit purely because Justin Timberlake was involved. I’m super out-of-touch with what all the “kids” are listening to these days but, if I am interpreting correctly, the equivalent band would be One Direction.

Here they are in all of their glory. All I see are T-Shirts and bangs. Where is the “bad boy”? Do they all shop at American Eagle? How old are they? 11? How can they sing about love if they haven’t even hit puberty yet?

And is there a wind machine blowing all of their hair the same direction? Ohhhhh I get it. Their hair is a metaphor…One Direction. Clever.

Now don’t get me wrong, these boys are cute. But cute is where I’ll leave it.

Now take a look at the Backstreet Boys; they have tattoos. And facial hair (yeah, OK, in today’s light their goatees lean a little to the pedophile side). Look how cool they are. Is that some chest hair peeing from your tank top, young man? Yellow glasses? And is that a lucky rabbit’s foot hanging from a necklace? Classy. And look at how each of them has a DIFFERENT HAIR STYLE.

And here’s N’Sync. You’ve got Justin with the curly fro, openly gay member striving for equality, guy who’s name I can’t remember but who rebelled and dyed his hair red, and the other two. Talk about fashion forward– we’ve got a denim jacket paired with leather pants, a furry shirt, a blue shiny pleather jacket, AND a leather coat!

And both had some killer lyrics. Remember the angst of teenage love?

Backstreet Boys:

I live my life the way
To keep you comin’ back to me
Everything I do is for you
So what is it that you can’t see.

N’Sync:

It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you.

And here’s something from One Direction, just as a comparison:

Na na na na na na (oh, yeah)
Na na na na na na (alright)
Na na na na na na
Na na

Deep, right?

Boy bands today ain’t got no style and ain’t got no teenage-angsty, tortured lyrics.  Where’s the originality? Where’s the risk? Where, dear friends, is the truth? Boy bands are supposed to evoke emotion and tears. They are supposed to lift you up and then drop you on your face…not coo non-sensical baby-talk words at you.

The 90’s may have been a long time ago. But like a fine wine, these boys have aged well. And I bet they could beat One Direction in a Fashion-Faceoff with their beautiful eyes closed and their tattooed sleeves behind their back.