Hey, Lady!

Hey you– lady at the park. I’m talking to you. I so empathize with what you’re going through. I have a toddler, too. And they are trouble.

I don’t mean to judge you. I am eating questionable crackers that I found at the bottom of my nasty diaper bag. But I also can’t help but notice that you are making one critical error in your approach to your kid–you have no follow through.

I watched you as you chased your toddler around with a newborn strapped to your chest. I heard you make threat after threat, with no repercussions. I’m  not telling you this to be an asshole. I’m telling you this so hopefully you can salvage a thread of sanity. I know your days must be long and I know that you are exhuasted. Girl, I’ve been there.

But it’s painful to watch another mother, clad in yoga pants and what looks to be day-old oatmeal, running around the play area like a chicken with its head cut off.

If I’ve learned one thing from parenting the vivacious and strong-willed children that test every minutia of patience that I possess, it’s that I must have follow-through.

When you shout, “Come back here right now! Or I’m going to put you into time out!” DO IT.

When your kid throws sand at mine, and you tell her, “Don’t do that again or we’re leaving.” And she does. LEAVE.

When your kid climbs up to the top of the play structure and sticks her head through the bars, and I see you desperately trying to figure out how you’re going to get up there with aforementioned infant in toe, I feel for you! But, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this is a situation of your own creation.

You have threatened your child so much that your words have become meaningless. Children are crafty little ninjas, and they are bred to sense any weakness. They are constantly pushing the limits, and you have landed the job of boundary setter. And we all know, if your minions don’t respect you, they will not follow your direction.

You stood next to me for a moment, exasperated, and mumbled, “My daughter just won’t listen…”

Friend,  she is most definitely listening, she just don’t believe you.

Follow through is hard. It’s a lot of work. Especially with a young baby, as well. But I promise you– it works. Unfortunately it means that you always have to do what you say. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll be so tired. But your child will learn.

I made the mistake once (when at what felt like 13 months pregnant) of threatening my two-year-old with something I hadn’t meant to. I blurted out, “You are not going to your friend’s house today if you remove your cheese from that fire truck RIGHT NOW. That is not where your lunch belongs!”

She didn’t.

And unfortunately for me, I had to follow through. I was really looking forward to our play date. I wanted to get out of the house. But my kid has a memory like a vault; she won’t take me seriously if I don’t do what I promised.

Point is, being a mommy is hard. I totally vag that. But it breaks my heart to you see exhausted, yelling not-so-sweet-nothings at your child to no avail. I want to help you. I want your life to be easier in the long run. But I can’t think of a way to tell you without getting my ass kicked by you, and your two-year-old that doesn’t listen to reason.

My kids are far from perfect. It’s always easier to point at another parent and say, You’re not doing that right! But, and I say this from a place of understanding and empathy– suck it up. Get your shit together and lay down the rules so next time we’re at the park together I don’t have to watch you scale the play structure like Godzilla wearing an Ergo. Maybe the next time we see each other, you could sit next to me and we could talk.