I’m Gonna be Honest– My Two-Year-Old Still Doesn’t Sleep Through The Night

Hi, my name is Chelsey. And I have a two-year-old who doesn’t sleep through the night.

I know there are other mama’s out there struggling with this same problem so let me take the heat.

Let me be the face.

I am going to drop all pretense of pretending that my son sleeps in his own bed, every night, through the night. Because folks—it just ain’t true.

This is my third child and if I have learned anything through my parenting journey it is that every child is different. You can be the same parent, using the same tools on three different children, and none of them will react the same way.

My kid isn’t sleeping in his own bed. He sleeps on my head. Like a kitten. (This might explain why my hair is always matted to one side of my head and why I’m wearing two different styles of flip flops.)

My eldest child was not the greatest sleeper, either. She wanted to be held all of the time and since she was my first, I had the energy and time to give her that. When she turned 18 months and we moved into a new house, my husband and I laid down the law. We were able to effectively communicate to her that she was a big girl and that she was going to sleep in her own bed. Tada. Easy peazy.

My second child, a boy, was even easier. He actually liked his crib. I would lay him down easily for naps and bedtimes, and he was sleeping solidly through the night by age one.

My third child is understandably the baby. And it is no exaggeration that he loves his mama. If given the choice he would choose to sleep on my face, curled up in a ball, making his body into a scarf for my beautiful mug. And to some extent, I have not been as disciplined with him because he is our third, and he is our last. I am not pregnant with a baby on the way so there is no imminent rush to push him out of our bed and into his own.

But it is really tough to have a two-year-old who doesn’t sleep through the night on his own. It is emotionally and physically draining. And frankly, it is sort of embarassing.

First, there are everyone else’s expectations. Other parents look at me with pity when they hear he doesn’t sleep through the night. Many of them are shocked. They will ask me patronizing questions like, “Have you tried setting a routine?” or “Are you sure he isn’t hungry?”

Bitch, please. I am a mother of three. I have tried almost everything.

PREVIOUSLY: WHY YOUR CHILD’S PUBLIC TANTRUM IS GOOD FOR ALL OF US

Let me let you in on a little secret—this beautiful child has a mind of his own. And although I have tried almost every trick in the book—he just isn’t ready. And I could force him. I could. I could put a latch at the top of his door and lock him in his room. I could let him scream. But to be honest that just doesn’t feel right. Not with him.

Every parent has their own methods of getting their kids to sleep in their beds and I am not going to shit on any of them. If you found something that works for you, then great! I celebrate with you. If I could I would deliver a rose to your door with a note that said, “Good for you. Way to fucking crush it.” But I don’t have the time, the money, or frankly the energy because I have a two-year-old who won’t sleep through the night.

Point being– don’t feel pressured by other people’s expectations of you. Being a parent is hard and let me be the first to admit that there are parts of it that I do not excel at. (I’m also terrible at bathing my children or making them wear socks. And that’s OK.)

Give yourself a pat on the back for getting up every morning. Remind yourself that this job ain’t easy, and anyone who dares to be responsible for any number of children is brave, empathetic, and deserves a goddamn medal.

Love to you all. And good luck.