Park Vultures

I guess this probably isn’t something new, because women have been selling stuff to each other for ages. But I have been approached three times in the last couple of months– by mommy vultures at the park.

I’m getting annoyed at this trend. The park is supposed to be a place where my kid eats sand and picks up Roseola, not a place where I get targeted by other mothers trying to sell me things.

It’s not cool.

You are crossing an unspoken line; I expect to get solicited outside of the grocery store or waiting at a traffic light. But the park? And when I am knee-deep in a private discussion? Furthermore, the products that are being peddled are offensive and your intentions are masked.

Recently a friend and I were talking on a playground when another mother joined the conversation. She was really nice and asked us the usual questions: how old are you kids? What are their names? Mommytalk mommytalk mommytalk. After discussing the pros and cons of preschool, she held up a finger like an idea had just occurred to her.

“Let me get you something, ” she said.

She came back with a 4×4 of cardstock for each of us. On it, was a before and after picture of a woman’s stomach. It was advertising something…I really can’t remember exactly what because I was distracted by the fact that the stomach looked just like mine. To be clear; the before.

“How does she know?” I whispered to my friend. “Is she sensing the stretchmarks under my shirt? Shouldn’t we be offended? How could she possibly know I need this?”

And wait. Go back. We were talking about preschool and this reminded you that my rolls, cellulite and stretch marks could (and should) be miraculously fixed by some herb-y, bullshit, wrap thingamajig?

I awkwardly held the square piece of shame in my hand, not enough of a bitch to throw it away in front of her face, but sincerely thinking about it. She came over once more and mentioned that her email was on the back if we had any questions. I didn’t have any questions…just some choice expletives.

I’m torn on this because I know it’s rough out there– money is tight and people are doing what they can to survive. And having a job where you can sell something to other women while taking your kid to the park is pretty sweet. But it’s also annoying. To everyone else.

At least don’t try to be my friend before you solicit me. You’re not trying to get in my pants– there is no need to wine and dine me before the pitch. Give me your product that will inevitably imply that there is something wrong with some part of me, and leave.

And is this just a SoCal thing? Or this happening to women all over the country?