vagunus poetry funny motherhood
Author's Faves,  Diary of an Angry Pregnant Woman,  Poetry

A Mother’s Poem; Vaganus

I dedicate this poem to every mother who has gone into childbirth, not knowing whether she will emerge will her vagina intact.

 

Vaganus

I have many fears about birthing–

Some parts are really unnerving.

But I have to admit, I want to quit,

When I think about getting a vaganus.

 

The name implies that it’s funny,

And I laugh till my eyes get all runny,

Until I remember, and get quite tender

Realizing it could happen to me.

 

You try to do something nice,

And you end up slathered in ice,

When your ass rips to your vag and opens like a bag,

And you’re left with a gaping blood hole.

 

Some people write poetry about love,

Or angels sent from above.

Me, it’s not nice, but I’ll warn you twice

About the dangers of getting a vaganus.