What I’m Thankful For: 2016 Edition

Ugh you know when you’re all set to eat on Thanksgiving? You’ve been smelling the turkey for hours, picking at the stuffing when no one is looking…slipping a finger into the mashed potatoes while pretending to look for your glasses?

(Just me?)

And then you sit. And all the food is steaming on the table in front of you. And you’re kind of in a hurry to mix up the taters before someone sees your finger dent. Your fork is poised and like the winning pony on race day, you’re chomping at the bit.

And then.

Then someone suggests that everyone take a moment to say what they’re thankful for. But you can’t do it silently. You have to awkwardly go around the table and watch everyone squirm in their seats when the spotlight hits them.

There’s nothing wrong with being thankful. And any excuse to celebrate what you have is great. But if you starve me for six hours, set me in front of a table full of food and then ask me what I’m thankful for, truthfully, my inner monologue goes something like this:

TURKEY. MASHED POTATOES. STUFFING. CRANBERRY SAUCE. GRAVY. PIE. Oh man, I love pie. Except pumpkin. Pumpkin is a vegetable. Vegetables don’t belong in pies. Unless rhubarb is a vegetable. It kind of looks like celery. Celery is vegetable. Wasn’t someone I know going to name their kid celery? Oh shit. It’s my turn. Everyone is looking at me. Can I say pie? Is that rude? I gotta remember to google if rhubarb is a vegetable.

Needless to say, I never say anything of consequence. So this year, I am making my list early. I am full and ready to share what I’m thankful for in 2016:

1) PIE (you had to see this one coming)
2) My family. I have the most wonderful husband, who never ceases to make me laugh and is always ready for an adventure. My three amazing kids–the most beautiful, dirty gifts that any person could ask for. My mom, dad and sister. All my in-laws. And my baby dog, Penelope.
3) Friends (who are really family without the genetics).
4) Craigslist. Because I am poor and cheap but also want things.
5) Wine. Maybe this should go before PIE. But that might make me look bad. I’ll just leave this one here.
6) GIF’s. Because I am too lazy to write my emotions and I would rather just show you a video.
7) Ellen DeGeneres. I just watched her receive the Medal of Freedom and cried my eyes out.
8) Coffee. This should actually be number one. But I haven’t had my afternoon cup so I don’t have the energy to reorganize this list. Just mentally take note.
8) Netflix; OITNB.
9) Pinterest; because pinning things let’s me pretend I’ve done them.
10) Music. I will never tire of the excitement of finding a new artist, or remembering an old one.
11) Sourdough bread— I couldn’t maintain this muffin-top without you!
12) The state of California–for making “tK” a thing. I could’ve had to wait another whole year! One kid down, two to go!
13) Political Satirists, who can make you laugh and hate yourself all at the same time.
14) Costco. I literally don’t know what I’d do without you.

15) The Water Protectors at Standing Rock. In all seriousness, this shouldn’t be this far down my list. We are celebrating a holiday centered around the pilgrims dining in their “new land” with the natives– you know, the people that were legitimately here first. Take a moment to revel in the disgusting irony that those same natives, on Thanksgiving, are sitting out in the cold in North Dakota defending their drinking water while being sprayed WITH water canons by the police.  Yet their protests have remained peaceful, and they continue to stand. We’ve promised them so much and they have asked for so little. I am thankful today for their courage, their tenacity and their capacity for forgiveness.

15) Whoever started those memes featuring Biden and Obama. 

16) Brazilian Blowout hair treatments–without them I look like Doc Brown.
17) Hot glue guns. If you only knew how much stuff in my house is hot glued into place! (Which reminds me–please don’t ever touch anything in my house.)
18) Photography, which has given me something to focus on and feel like an adult. It has humbled me, challenged me and inspired me.
19) People who read this blog–who take the time comment, to share and to discuss. Hey– THAT’S YOU.

And bitch, I love you.