Women are the Best. And Also the Worst.

Women are the best. And they are also the worst.

There’s this community that exists between women; a plane running parallel to reality. And on this plane, women communicate– for better or for worse.

Women support each other– this notion is completely elevated between those of the female gender. We pick up on cues, we call, we text, we are forever checking in with one another. We have an ability to hold each other up that is subtle and yet very complex in its undertones.

I had a woman stop me in Costco the other day. She had two kids, around ages 6 and 8. She pulled her cart right up next to mine and told me, “Cherish that age. Mine are in school and I miss having the little ones.” The conversation continued, and two strangers shared stories of potty training experiences, toddler fits, and nursing.

It was such an intimate connection in an impersonal setting.

But women are also the worst. You would never catch a man commenting on another man’s parenting style, or what he fed his child. Men would not discuss the ins and outs of co-sleeping and when to stop nursing, while judging other men for their own decisions on the subject.

But women do it. They do it all of the time.

I was talking to a new mom over Christmas about joining a mom’s group. She confided that the idea of getting together with a bunch of women who would undoubtedly judge how/where she gave birth, if she was nursing, what carrier she was using etc., seemed daunting. She wasn’t sure she was ready for it. And I totally vag that.

I went to a Meetup last year, for new moms. You wouldn’t believe the turnout. There were over 60 of us, all converged onto a little patch of grass. It was overwhelming in so many ways. First, it showed me how many moms out there were looking for support– for kindred spirits. And how hard it is to find that. It was also overwhelming purely on a numbers scale; you cannot effectively make a friend in a group of 60. No one knew where to start.

I was feeling the love, completely on board, until I heard one mother talking to another.

She said, “I don’t understand women who have babies in hospitals. I  had a home birth, where my child was nurtured. I had no drugs, and my baby is better for it.” You know what, lady? Good for you. I’m all for people doing what works best for them. But by stating to a huge group of new, sensitive mommies, that you think that hospital births are sub-standard, you have alienated a majority of women. You have instantly made them feel guilty, angry and defensive. And also, you’re being a bitch. And I can say that. Because sometimes I”m a bitch, too.

A woman’s best and worst quality is her ability to affect. If you use your superpower for good, you can bring such happiness to the world. But if you use it for evil, for backhanded comments and unnecessary gossip, you can bring great distress.

We are all on this wild ride together… And I can tell you first hand, the world needs more supportive communication and less thoughtless, cold, vaginas. Ask anyone who appreciates a pussy– they’re meant to be warm, soft and nurturing. It’s fucking science.