Week 16

I am actually beginning to look pregnant! It’s a relief, because lately I have been fighting to urge to tell random strangers that I’m pregnant, not fat.

We had our 16 week check-up last Wednesday. KT came down for a night and got to go along with us. We were hoping that we would be able to settle the bet regarding gender, but alas. All they did was take the peanut’s heartbeat. It was pretty fun traipsing into the Doctor’s office, KT in tow. It felt a little like we were on an episode of “Sister Wives”.

We are officially moved into our new house! I had the pleasure of meeting our next door neighbor, who also happens to be the head of the HOA. Selig had met him days prior, when we were first moving in. He came to check us out, and make sure Selig knew that the Satellite Dish had to be installed a certain way. As he explained, “I’ve lived here for 18 years, and we like to do things a certain way.” Yikes.

So I was chillin’ out in my pajamas a few days ago, rockin’ my side pony-tail when the door bell rang. I peaked out the window to see a short man with tight Levi’s and a black leather jacket. I’m guessing he is in his 60’s, but his wife looks to be about 80, so who knows.

“Hi,” he says. “I’m your next neighbor!”

“Oh, yeah. Mike, right?” I ask.

“Oh no,” he gasped. “Mike rides a trike, Michael rides a bike!” I had a half-smile plastered on my face and couldn’t decide if I should laugh or run.

Mike, excuse me Michael, then proceeded to give me his “card” which has an American flag on one side and his information on the other. He pointed out to me that he had a website that I should check out. He then handed me an invitation to his church’s Easter Breakfast and Worship. I politely thanked him and started backing away. Obviously sensing I was not going to attend, he felt the need to assure me that they weren’t “Bible bashers” and they wouldn’t lecture me because, and I quote, “God will do that for them”.

I realized later that I probably was the picture perfect image of someone who needed to be “saved”; I had on my Vagina Monologues shirt, which is delicately covered with synonyms for vagina, including “pink taco”, “twat”, and the old classic, “vajayjay”. I was obviously pregnant, and I have gone sans a wedding ring since I broke out in a rash on my ring finger. Apparently pregnancy makes me allergic to nice things.