A Letter to my Mother

A Letter to my Mother—

Hey, girl. You’ve told me my entire life how much you love me. You’ve shown me through actions and through words. And I’ll admit it, I never really understood the depth of it until I had a child of my own.

I looked into my baby girl’s eyes, and it felt almost indescribable—but something every parent feels. I knew that I would do anything for this baby, and that no matter her age or distance from me, she would always be on my mind. That’s one thing that happens when you become a parent; you become tied to your children by an invisible string. It is always active, and although they may not feel it, you are constantly pulling on it, checking on it, and making sure it’s still tied tight.

You told me once that when you have a baby, your heart is no longer in your body. I cannot believe how true those words are. My heart began swaddled in soft blankets, but quickly grew and began crawling down the hallway. My heart is not always close to me anymore—it’s outside picking up bugs or asleep in its own room. My heart doesn’t want to cuddle anymore, and prefers to play with others of the same age. And this is just the beginning.

I remember a defining moment for us: I was about 20, sitting on the rough steps of my crappy apartment, and instead of giving you the G-Rated version when you asked, How are you?  I word barfed all of the secrets of my recent break up. I heard nothing but silence.

It look me a moment to realize that you were crying. You weren’t crying out of sadness, or in sympathy, but because our relationship had crossed a new threshold; you were not only my mother, but my friend.

Things haven’t always been easy between us. We are so alike in so many ways, that our stubbornness and argumentative nature make us clash. You have given me the will to fight, a tough attitude and the need to protect those around me. You can push my buttons faster than any person I have ever met. But that’s part of your job description—you’re my mom. I see in my own daughter’s face how much I already annoy her. I just smile now. That’s my duty.

It took me having a little babies of my own to truly appreciate the depth of your love for me. I hope that one day my children, too, will  come to the same understanding.