For the Love of Costco

Oh man, I love Costco. I love everything about it– the prices, the food court, the furniture you can sit on, the karaoke machine set up in the middle of the store, and the samples! They actually just give away free fucking food! It’s crazy! Costco also has double seated carts, so my kids can sit side-by-side as we browse– they are the Cadillac of shopping carts.

But there is also a giant, looming problem with Costco: I peruse, entertain the kids, and feel like I’m getting a ton of stuff. The fact that I can never spend less then $100 should prove that. I always get home and unload everything, only to realize that I’m hungry. I should have food, right? I just spent $134.67.

I look around at all my bounty and it is always the same problem, with slightly different variables; I have 72 rolls of toilet paper, a years supply of dog food, a bag of potatoes the size of my child, 12 tubes of toothpaste, 8 cans of chili and two giant containers of salsa. But I don’t want chili. And I have nothing to go with the salsa. And I can’t run back out to the grocery store because I already feel super guilty that I spent so much money at Costco!

Days like these usually end up with me feeding the family Cup of Noodles (purchased from Costco on a different occasion and shoved in the back of the cupboard because once you try them as an adult you notice they taste quite distinctly like cardboard). And maybe I throw some salsa on it for good measure.