The Awkward Button

Facebook should really have an “Awkward” button. I rarely “Like” things, but I would use the aforementioned “Awkward” button much more often.

When Facebook suggests over and over that I should become friends with my ex-boyfriend’s new wife? Awkward button. Don’t suggest that anymore. I’m pretty sure that’s going to remain awkward for all of time. Not at this time, nor any time in the future, do I want that name showing up. I have two young children who play with my phone. One of these days, Facebook is going to suggest I add her as a friend again and my child is going to click “Yes”. You know what that will be? Awkward.

When I haven’t realized someone has defriended me until I see that they appear in “People You May Know”– awkward button.

If someone posts their third selfie of the day, I need a button that properly alerts them to their ridiculousness. Because I am not afraid to tell them that they are making the rest of us feel weird. And awkward. But I’m far too lazy to actually take the time to write to them. I need a one-click way to express my emotions.

When that guy that I know has a girlfriend posts something inappropriate about another woman, I’d really love an easy way to call him on his shit without truly engaging him.  Awkward button!

When someone inevitably posts an article that is so absurd and yet also manages to offend, I would like to express the awkwardness I’m feeling on their behalf.

If that girl I went to elementary school with posts about her boyfriend’s tattoos, and proudly shows another picture of the top of his pubes and his Disney ink, then I would like a fast way to alert her to the fact she is dating an idiot and it makes me feel– you guessed it– awkward!

Listen it took me thirty seconds to come up with this idea and I’ve even designed it. The “Like” sign on Facebook is a thumbs up. The “Awkward” button I’m pitching is a thumb sideways. It’s basically saying, “I don’t like that. I don’t hate that. You’re making me feel uncomfortable. Stop.”

I would like to trademark, copyright, and claim this idea as my own. I want bragging rights, of course. But Facebook, you don’t have to pay me a dime as long as you implement my “Awkward” button STAT.

You’re welcome, world.