you know you're a parent when

Spend an hour drawing on an easel with crayons, only to realize your drawings are indistinguishable from the young child coloring beside you
Eat left-over food off of your child’s plate
Wipe kid’s boogers and/or pull large ones out of their nose, sans Kleenex– bare hands
Sit in the bathroom and watch/listen to child poop. Discuss the aforementioned
Out of utter exhaustion, don’t go find a cloth, and instead, just rub drool/spit-up/boogers into your clothes
Have said the phrase, “At least it’s not poop!” and kept going with your day
Let the “10 Second Rule” morph into the “It’s Fine Just Eat It” rule
Stop using dressers and hangers, and instead let your laundry go directly from basket to body
Go out at 8 pm and think to yourself, “Who starts an event so late? What, are we in college?”
Get a gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond for Christmas, and instead of buying something you genuinely need for your house, you end up getting an Elsa doll because your three-year-old fell in love
In the few minutes you have alone with your spouse, talk exclusively about how cute your child/children are
Get excited for Friday nights and the Disney movie that will ensue
As a mom, adopt the bun hairstyle as your staple, not because you like the slicked-back look, but because your hair is so dirty that it isn’t decent to go out in public any other way
Look forward to getting out alone, only to miss you kid(s) as soon as you pull out of the driveway