Stunning Revelations of a Non-Hugger

Apparently I’m not a hugger.

I thought I was. I never pictured myself as someone who didn’t hug. I hug my kids. I hug my husband. But I just realized–I am not hug-initializer with people other than my immediate family. Now, this may sound like a small, insignificant point but it’s not. There are people who tend to start hugs– I’ve been paying attention.

When you walk into someone’s house and your arms automatically open for a hug, people are receptive; they hug you in return. You are a hug-starter. But if you tend to accept hugs, not start them, you are a hug-accepter. This means that if in your mix of friends/family, you have many people open to hugs, but not many hug-starters, there will be less hugging.

Let me give you an example. I have the bestest friends. And I rarely hug them. Not because I don’t want to but because it doesn’t occur to me. Occasionally I see them hugging, and I think, “Oh shit, am I supposed to be doing that, too? Am I sending off a don’t-hug-me vibe?” But I didn’t think that much of it. By the time the hugging starts, I’m already awkwardly too far into the room, with a child in my arms or a drink in my hand.

And then last week, one of them came over to my house. I didn’t initialize a hug and we said hello and began chatting. Later on, my husband got home. He immediately opened his arms to my friend, and they hugged a friendly hello.

And I thought to myself, “Omg, it is me.”

There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t initialize hugs. Some people don’t even like them. But it is an interesting phenomenon if you start paying attention, in social situations, to huggers. They always come in with their arms wide open and people start lining up! I’ve noticed an interesting trend: hugs are contagious. If you walk in behind a hugger, then you will most likely get hugged as well, because they have started the chain reaction and you are following directly in their hugging wake.

It is a hugging phenomenon.

You’re welcome.