I Still Love You, Betty Sue; Mindful Practices for Opening Your Circle During COVID.

COVID-19 has rendered most of our social lives obsolete. But as things begin to open up, folks are starting to look at how to ease back into the world of playdates and social hangouts. The experts caution against large gatherings but we are seeing some subtle messaging about expanding our circles to one or two families– a benefit to the sanity of everyone involved.

Let’s be real–there is immense truth to the notion that this pandemic has had extensive consequences not only on our physical health but our mental health, as well. Isolation can lead to loneliness, especially when it’s coupled with worry and stress. At-risk groups who may be more prone to depression or suicide are having to deal with the negative mental effects of quarantine and isolation, and may not have access to the same resources that they had before.

Kids who on a normal day spend eight hours beside their classmates working in groups and playing tag on the playground have had their childhood tamped down by fear of plague, parents facing financial distress, and worries over the health of loved ones. They are looking at screens for learning instead of teachers– and it is taking its toll.

No matter our age, gender, or socioeconomic status, quarantine has given us one simple, human fact: we miss all miss our friends.

But picking your quartine buddies isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. It is basically like practicing safe sex– you need to protect yourself and have honest adult conversations with those you are physically engaging with. We all need to make good, healthy choices that will help prevent the advancement of this disease to those who are more susceptible. Because just like HPV, this pandemic is showing how easily asymptomatic carriers are spreading COVID to the masses.

Being strict about masks, social distancing, and public outings is hard. But saying no to hanging out with our close friends and family– that’s the worst.

Let’s say my friend Betty Sue calls and wants to swing by Saturday night with her famous chicken wings and have dinner. First off, I haven’t had decent chicken wings in what feels like a year. Secondly, I would love to someone come to mix up the monotony of my household!

Sweet Betty Sue preempts the visit by saying she has been pretty careful these last couple of months; she’s stayed home when possible and used proper protection when she left the house. But the underlying question is very relevant; who else has Betty Sue been with?

To move this conversation quickly away from slut-shaming women, let’s make the offender of this situation Betty Sue’s husband, Steve. Steve doesn’t believe in COVID. Steve says it is just like the flu and feels entitled to prove this by blatantly ignoring every guideline. Steve has continued to attend mass gatherings, goes to his buddies house most weeknights, and he refuses to wear a mask. Hell, I think I even saw Steve licking a door handle to drive his point home. (For the record, Steve probably legitimately has HPV, as well.)

Now let’s trace this back– everyone that Steve has been with, every person that person has been with, he has now brought home to Betty Sue. Every person who touched that handle that he licked– they are all coming back home with him. And just like a wicked case of the clap that spreads through the Senior Class, Betty Sue is now the complacent recipient of all of Steve’s encounters.

Betty Sue, having done none of these activities herself, wants to engage with me. She wants to hang out in my backyard and drink margaritas like it’s 2019. She wants to cook me chicken and hug my children. She tells me she’s been safe but it’s just not that simple.

I love Betty Sue but I’m trying my best to help defend those I love; to stay home and make good choices to protect those who are more at risk. She lets Steve’s promiscuity slide and I won’t judge her for that. Betty Sue is a great friend under normal circumstances but when there’s something running rampant through the ranks, my physical circle will consist of people who will stop and put on the proverbial condom not just for their own sake, but for those that they come into contact with.

Let’s be honest– I am very fortunate to be in a position where we are able to keep social distancing. Both my husband and I can work from home. For our family, we are choosing to lay low and stay out of large groups because we have the luxury of doing so. We are trying to do our part to curb the spread of this virus so that we can someday go back to normal life. These choices I am making are the most basic and yet greatest act of goodwill I can do right now for my fellow human beings.

We have family and friends who are essential workers and we are doing this for them, too. There are doctors who are quarantined from their families, and small business owners who are living in the basement to avoid potentially spreading the virus to their young children. There are grocery store employees who are just asking for the effortless courtesy of wearing a mask within their stores, only to be spat on and screamed at angry customers.

My family will continue the simple kindness of wearing our masks, staying home whenever possible, and choosing our quarantine circle carefully. I will keep saying no to dine-in restaurants, and we won’t be attending any birthday parties (yet).

I am not doing this because I am scared– I am trying to serve the greater good.

What works for us may not work for you. And that’s OK, too. I’m merely suggesting that we are mindful when opening up our physical circles. Be honest. Ask questions. Use proper protection when necessary. We all deserve some companionship but let’s also remember that there can be consequences, and choose our partners accordingly.

I yearn for the day that we no longer have to worry about touching another person, and when someone says six feet we start daydreaming about six-foot-tall bodacious ham sammiches instead of how far away we have to stay from someone else. I want to go to a bar and to the movie theatre on opening day.

I miss crowds. And elbows in my face. And awkward but hilarious conversations with strangers. I miss people.

God knows we all miss the Betty Sues of the world and it would be super fun to hear her laugh or taste her homemade guacamole. She is fun and spunky and I miss the way that she makes me laugh. Hopefully, soon I can throw open my door and invite Betty Sue over, and ask her to take a seat at my crowded table.

But for now, we wait.