Hipster Fashion Trend

I’m not always the most open to new fashions. I mocked the Ugg Boot upon their arrival. I got into some serious arguments with other ladies when skinny jeans hit the scene. But this new fashion-forward trend– I’m totally on board with: Crocheted shorts– for men.

(You can buy them for your lovable Hipster here)

Calling all Hipsters: your new, bold, unique clothing item for 2015 has arrived! And I cannot wait to see you wear them. I think that they are beneficial for a number of reasons…

1) They provide air flow on a warm day, thanks to the giant, decorative holes.

2) They are very colorful!

3) They pro-environment, because they are recycled from old blankets.

4) They are soft. After years of being worn down by other people’s blood, sweat and tears, you are receiving something that is already completely broken in!

5) They are vintage. You know that vintage is all of the rage now! (Some people think that vintage implies “old, piece of shit”, but you and I both know it is code for AWESOME).

6) Don’t like to do laundry much? No worries. Everyone knows blankets don’t wash well. It is the PERFECT excuse to just spray a little Febreeze and keep on wearin’ ’em!

7) Ease of access. These shorts require only a minimal tug to remove. Need to urinate quickly on your nature walk? No problem. Having a quickie in the Whole Foods parking lot? Done.

8) Ladies will LOVE them. Trust me. I’m a lady. And I can tell you FOR SURE: no woman would ever say no to a man wearing these. It will make you simply irresistible.

So please, for the sake of women everywhere, go buy a pair! Comb that lumber-sexual beard of yours, lace up those Thrift Store ankle boots, and clip on your favorite bow-tie.

Your destiny awaits you.