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Preschool Wasteland
I have been looking into preschools for my three- year-old and people–it is a wasteland out there. The term “You get your money’s worth” has never been so applicable. I’m not a bajillionaire. I don’t have a ton of extra money to spend on sending her to school for two mornings a week. Furthermore, I have worked with kids my entire life and I cannot believe the hourly rate that some of these places are pulling in. If you are making that much dough on my child, she should be doing gold-plated art pieces and having private violin lessons. She should be carried around on a baby elephant and a crowd…
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Motherhood with the Flu; It Doesn’t Get Much Lower Than This
Sometimes blog posts are hard to write. The truth is I’ve just been exhausted. I got the flu. Not a cold—I’ve been dealt a lot of those lately. But the kind of sick I haven’t had in years, where you can’t get out of bed. I threw up everything I ate, and I couldn’t even keep water down. The pain in my stomach was so jarring that I was constantly having flashbacks to an episode of The X-Files, paranoid that some creature/bug/alien would emerge from my belly. Being sick when you’re a parent puts a whole different spin on it; you can’t just relax and recover. There are little people who depend…
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Zombies
I was standing in line at the Costco food court the other day. There were about 20 people in front of me, one of whom was a young woman balancing on crutches. She had a cast up to her knee and kept rotating her weight back and forth between her arms. “I can’t believe no one is letting her go ahead…” I mused out loud. “I have two sons,” Said the older woman in front me. “And I raised them to open doors and to use their manners. This would never happen if my boys were here. Who are these people in line in front of us?” Her voice…
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Hilarious Confessions from Real-Life Moms
As mothers we sometimes feel like we’re in a bubble– we are trying so hard to be our best selves, but it is really hard. With this in mind, I asked mothers all over to give me their hilarious real-life confessions. Each confession is true but anonymous. Enjoy! Confession 1: Sometimes I let my kids watch TV so I don’t have to talk to them for a while. Confession 2: I started calling candy “snacks”, so my child can’t tell anyone how much candy I actually give them. Confession 3: I take naps with my children and lie about it. I tell my husband I cleaned the house while they…
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Soda Pop Friends
I’ve been thinking about friends lately. And each one I know can fit into a specific category of soda. Ridiculous you say? Bear with me. It really does make sense. The Mountain Dew Friend This friend is full of energy. They are bubbly and great. But you can’t have too much Mountain Dew. Sometimes you can’t even finish a bottle. It’s good, but it is a lot to handle. Small doses is key with this friendship. The Pepsi Friend The Pepsi Friend is good. It’s no Coke, but it’s a great stand-in. They’re likeable and relaxing. The Sprite Friend Sprite is kind of boring. This friend doesn’t push your…
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Dirty Girl
So I tried it– I didn’t clean my house for company. (For those of who have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m referencing this article). My friend Mephanie actually reads my blog and follows me on Facebook, so before she came over she asked, ‘So are you doing it? Are you leaving your house as-is?” God I hate when people pay attention. I had no choice. I cannot turn away from a challenge. It was like walking around naked; it took some adjustment. You know when you’re naked and at first you’re a little anxious? You’re thinking about what parts are jiggling where… trying to remember when you last…
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The Liebster Award
I was nominated for the Liebster Award! WAHOOO! Considering that I am slow as shit sometimes, it has taken me a while to get this together. My bad. But here it goes. First and foremost THANK YOU to Nikki at Growing Up Mom, who nominated me. I really appreciate it. You are awesome and I love your blog. Second, I want to say that this a really cool way for bloggers to help each other out and cross-promote other blogs that are worth a read. Because for anyone new to blogging, you often wonder, how am I supposed to get people to read this?? There are the rules: Nikki gave me these…
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Welcome To Motherhood; A Love Letter to Mothers Everywhere
Dear mommy’s everywhere– welcome to motherhood. I wanted to take a moment to say that I see you– I know you. You are incredible. And you are not alone. Welcome to labor—the most intense, crazy, scientifically-rad thing that your body may ever do. After, you will never look at women the same. Following the birth of my first, I passed other women in the hallway and we nodded to each other in silent acknowledgement—like Jedi’s who can sense The Force within each other. Welcome to sleepless nights. Even when your baby sleeps peacefully, you won’t. You’ll be constantly feeling them to see if they are breathing. You’ll watch them sleep…
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Ring of Hell
There’s a certain ring of hell That most parents know, It’s called being sick With your sick kids home, in tow. Forget water-boarding As torture for you see– There are things that are worse; Two sick kids under three. Infect perpetrators With a cold or a flu, And then lock them in a house With two toddlers, sick too. They’ll be spilling state secrets And begging for respite. You will hear them sobbing Late into the night. For how do you rest Or drink tea or recover? When two snotty, crying children Above your face hover? When all of you are sobbing And covered in…
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Funny Things My Three-Year-Old Has Said
Having a three-year-old is a challenge but is also one of the funniest ages. Your child starts having thoughts of their own, and they are able to express these to you…often quite loudly. My husband and I started keeping a list of all of the funny things our daughter has said and done in the past year. If you haven’t already, write this stuff down! I always think I’ll remember. But I have no brain anymore. There is always a running commentary when she goes to the bathroom. Today’s was, “Look daddy! My poop looks like chili!” And another: “Oh man, my toots smell like chewy bars.” I asked P…